Hi, I’m Geoff.
I’m a coach, a writer, and the founder of
Social Skills for Nerds.
Hi, I’m Geoff.
I’m a coach, a writer, and the founder of
Social Skills for Nerds.
To say I was a nerd as a kid is an understatement.
I spent my entire childhood studying and playing various games with my brother. I didn’t have any friends, and I can count the number of parties I went to as a teenager on the fingers of one hand.
My brother and I spent countless hours drawing Warhammer armies and battling them. We didn’t want to spend money on buying the models, so we drew them instead! We also played classic video games like Age of Mythology, Cricket 2002 and Star Wars: Jedi Academy. The social world around us was overwhelming, so we escaped into a fantasy realm of our own imagination.
My grades were excellent throughout school, so I ended up going to Cambridge University – where I was surrounded by fellow nerds who were just as socially awkward as I was!
At university, I initially continued to study hard and play games in my spare time. But I began to grow frustrated as I witnessed people around me having social experiences that I secretly wanted too. I particularly remember my roommate being excited to get his first girlfriend, and wishing that I knew how to talk to girls.
That envious thought sent me down a dark path, one in which I learned ways to manipulate people into thinking I was confident, in an attempt to get them to like me. I fell in with the wrong people, and did a number of things that I regret.
When I graduated, I had a girlfriend, and I had the degree I had worked towards. But I was still socially isolated and secretly miserable – even though I didn’t want to admit that to myself.
It took a few more months for me to concede that pretending to be confident wasn’t getting me what I wanted: human connection. At that moment, I embarked on a mission that would change my life: a mission to open myself up emotionally and connect to other people.
At first, my results were unspectacular. I had no-one guiding me, so I was learning by trial and error. A few people around me encouraged me to keep going, but most were unimpressed. Some people even distanced themselves from me.
But I persevered. I had a lot of therapy. I read a few books, a lot of blog posts, and watched countless YouTube videos about how to connect to other people. The two thinkers who helped me the most were Jordan Peterson and Mark Manson, but you can find a longer list on my resources page.
Little by little, I began to attract a circle of like-minded friends. Very often, these people didn’t live in my city, so I had to be proactive to stay in touch with them. We would call once a month or so, and visit each other when time and money allowed. I learned the signs of a healthy, trustworthy person, and whenever I found someone like that, I would try to keep them in my life.
All the while, I kept building my social skills: in therapy, through talking to my friends, and through self-study. I learned to listen to people and make them feel heard and seen. I learned to stand up for myself, and distanced myself from several people in my professional and private life who were a negative influence on me.
15 years later, I now have a thriving social life. Connecting to other people is a source of joy. I’m known in my coworking space as the friendly British guy who will talk to anyone. I regularly organise parties, board game nights and local psychology meet-ups.
To be clear: I’m still very much a nerd at heart. I still love board games – currently I’m very into the Haven games. I’m the sort of person who watches music theory videos on YouTube for fun. I’m still an introvert who needs to recharge by spending time alone, often in some kind of imaginative, fantasy environment.
But I’m now a sociable nerd who has learned to love connecting to other people.
It’s both a pleasure and a privilege for me to share the skills I’ve learned on this journey with you. I hope that you find value in the materials on this website.
Feel like it could be a fit? Here are 3 ways to get started:
1. Get to know me better
Download my list of mistakes nerds make when learning to socialise, or browse some resources that inspired me on my journey.
2. Take a self-service approach
Go through a quick worksheet with some friends, or build your social skills by playing specially-designed board games.
3. Let me guide you
Register for a social skills group workshop, or sign up for my private coaching program: The Social Mastery System.
1. Get to know me better
Download my list of mistakes nerds make when learning to socialise, or browse some resources that inspired me on my journey.
2. Take a self-service approach
Go through a quick worksheet with some friends, or build your social skills by playing specially-designed board games.
3. Let me guide you
Register for a social skills group workshop, or sign up for my private coaching program: The Social Mastery System.